Is The Morris Chestnut Syndrome Ruining Your Love Life?

Is The Morris Chestnut Syndrome Ruining Your Love Life?

“Oooooh, girl, he’s so fine! Lord, can you make mine like this?!”

This was the way my single girlfriends and I talked to each other after watching a movie with Morris Chestnut in it. Back then, you couldn’t watch a Black chick flick without seeing the tall, dark and handsome Chestnut playing some smooth, suave (and sometimes bad) man who swept the leading lady off her feet.

I hate to admit it now, but when I wrote out my ideal man list in my 20s, I put “Looks like Morris Chestnut” up near the top of my must-haves. What I meant was I wanted a tall, successful man who could wine me and dine me and make me feel amazing.

When I met my husband, he didn’t look anything like Morris (He has been mistaken for former NFL star, Donald Driver, though), but that was ok. I knew I wasn’t marrying a list of traits. I was marrying a human being who adored, respected and understood me!

Now that Morris Chestnut has stolen the hearts of women all over the world, I hear many single sistas fantasizing about finding a man just like him. I call it the Morris Chestnut Syndrome and if you’re not careful, it can ruin your love life!

It’s okay if he’s your man crush, but when it comes to defining your must-haves in the man you’re looking for, be careful that you don’t use Chestnut as your baseline.

On one hand, the characters he plays have a lot of qualities that most smart, successful women find irresistible:

  1. He’s confident
  2. He’s in control
  3. He’s cool, calm, and collected
  4. He stares deep into your eyes in a way that can make any sista swoon!

But he’s also a bad boy. He’s mysterious, unpredictable, and can leave you breathless. And that’s just the point. Men like the ones Morris Chestnut plays on the screen can leave you unexpectedly. The relationship is hot, heavy and passionate and over almost as quickly as it started.

Chemistry can not create compatibility. Core values and a shared vision for what you want life to look like with your partner can. This space is where true passion and a relationship that lasts is created. And in order to get real compatibility, you have to dig deeper than the traits on some list.

Take the time to discover who you really are, what makes you tick and what you really need in a man. So sistas, throw out the Morris Chestnut list and give the men who could add real value to your life a chance.


By Aesha Adams_Roberts | Jan 11, 2015 | Comments 0
About the Author: Aesha Adams_Roberts
Aesha Adams_Roberts
Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker and dating coach for professional African Americans. She is the author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out? How To Meet And Marry The Man of Your Dreams . She is a happily married mother of two. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter and visit her website for more information.

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